I’ve been out for a while. I’ve purposefully taken a hiatus. I’ve temporarily stopped reading my birth blogs and for the most part, have even stayed away from Facebook.
You are probably curious why I’ve decided to do these things. Let me start at the beginning. David and I have been trying to get prego for a little over a year now. We had problems conceiving with Trey (you can read about that here) and while I didn’t expect it’d be easy this time I was hoping it wouldn’t take as long this time around. I had stopped taking birth control right before Trey’s 1st b-day hoping it wouldn’t take too long to get out of my system. For a while I was ok each month when I knew I wasn’t prego. But Trey was still under 2 so I told myself it was better. Then he turned 2 and I knew the birth control still wasn’t completely out of my system (we will NEVER be taking that stuff again). I was gradually getting more and more upset/down with each passing month. The next months I started feeling like the birth control was either out or almost out of my system.
I was having a hard time within my social circle. It seemed like a bunch of women within it were getting prego all of a sudden. Some, like ones who weren’t married and very young and had “accidently” gotten prego were really hard to take. I’d been praying for a while, and even my MIL had said that God told her we’d be prego “soon”. By the way I hate that word “soon”. I’d heard that word from God before getting prego with Trey and at that time “soon” ended up meaning a year.
At church, recently, the subject has been “I Believe in you” and has covered believing in your children, others and such. But the last lesson, it seemed like God was telling me to believe in Him. I needed to believe that He would give me what He said He would give. But of course I don’t know when and patience was never a virtue I was good at.
So after this last time of another negative prego test, I hit the lowest I’ve been since before conceiving with Trey. I didn’t want to read anything about birth, or pregnancy and I withdrew from some social activities. I don’t want to think about starting the whole cycle over again, it’s just too much right now.
So, this is a hard lesson for me (as most lessons are hard to learn), I have to learn to believe what God is telling me, I have to learn patience and that God’s timing isn’t my timing (Trey’s timing was perfect). So for awhile I will be focusing on non birth/prego subjects to read and immerse myself in and maybe write on.